Our interviewee:

Derek Harvie is a Television Producer and Comedy Writer who is currently working on a new FX series called “Testes”. His previous work as a producer includes Playboy TV’s “Jenna’s American Sex Star” and “Night Calls”.

10 Questions for Derek Harvie:

1. Let’s start with #1, what have you been working on lately Derek?

I’m working in Toronto, Canada with Kenny Hotz (Kenny vs. Spenny). We share an office. A few minutes ago I said “Gross… Somebody is eating a boiled egg.” (I hate the smell of eggs.) Kenny started to laugh. I figured it wasn’t an egg I smelled… he’d just quietly farted. That’s why I can’t stand eggs. The smell of something you eat shouldn’t be easily confused with a fart.

We’re writing and producing 13 episodes of a sitcom for FX Networks in the US and Showcase in Canada. It’s called “Testees” and premieres Thursday Oct 9th (US) and Tuesday, Oct 14th (Canada).

2. Michel Phelps, the world’s fastest man in the pool stunk up the joint hosting Saturday Night Live this past weekend. Having worked at SNL before, do you believe their executives enjoy watching a host bomb knowing they’ll get some good press out of it?

I guess so… I’ve never really laughed at any of the opening monologues. Maybe they’re all supposed to bomb?

3. What is the most important lesson working in Showbiz has taught you?

Don’t surround yourself with a bunch of Hollywood douches.

4. The price of oil has fallen to a six-month low but gas stations are charging all-time high prices to tank up your car. Are you going to allow this to happen? Or do you have a secret plan to get back at gas retailers?

A friend of mine back in college had a pretty good strategy to keep gas prices down: Drive to a gas station, drop your buddy at the corner. He goes into the station and shops for chips and drinks while you fill up. Then you drive away without paying. If the attendant notices and writes down your plate, your buddy jumps in and says “No… that’s my friend… He was in a hurry… I’m paying for him. If the attendant doesn’t notice the drive off, free gas.” I’d never endorse doing anything like this though, so to answer your question… Keep your tires inflated, drive the speed limit, change your oil every 3000 miles and you should improve your mileage. That’ll show those fuckers!

5. You’re a betting man. If 72 year old John McCain wins the upcoming presidential election, what are the odds he kicks the bucket while in the White House?

72 is not that old. It’s more likely that you and I will die in a nuclear holocaust while he’s in office. Our children will grow up in the sewers eating radioactive cans of Zoodles and bashing each other’s heads in over broken clock radios and other remnants of our lost civilization.

6. Over the weekend I saw the Coen Brother’s film “Burn after Reading” about a former CIA agent who writes his memoirs. What would be your secret agenda if you were a CIA agent?

God I wish I had time to go watch movies… I saw my first one in six months last week with my friend Rob. It was a huge treat to sit down in a theater for two hours. It was the DeNiro/Pacino movie. It sucked and I was so furious that we walked out… Then we pulled the fire alarm, ruining everyone else’s movie as well. It’s a great new style you can use whenever you’re pissed about something: Bartender took too long to get your drink? Pull the fire alarm. Waitress forgot to bring the extra sauce you ordered on the side? Fire Alarm. I guess that kind of answers the question.

7. Eleven people were killed in a stadium riot in eastern Democratic Republic of Congo this past weekend after a soccer player tried to use witchcraft to win a local match. Have you ever considered dabbling in the art of witchcraft?

No but I dabbled in popsicle stick art when I was ten.

8. Do you think Pole Dancing will become an Olympic sport someday?

These are strange questions Glenn. See answer #5. If McCain is elected then yes. End of civilization, etc.

9. Metallica just released a new album called “Death Magnetic”. If you were putting together a new metal band what would you name it and what would your first album be called?

Band: bin Laden & The Islamo-Facists
Album: Free Strippers

10. Sumo fighters Hakurozan and his brother Roho were slapped with lifetime bans from Japan’s ancient national sport for allegedly using marijuana. Does the thought of watching a Sumo dude smoking a bowl seem ridiculous to you?

I’ve been to Japan. Ridiculous to me is driving through the snowy mountains of Honshu, stopping at a two thousand year old temple and trying to decide if you want Pizza Hut or Kentucky Fried Chicken for lunch.

Our interviewee:

Kenny Hotz is the star and creator of the Comedy Central / Showcase TV show “Kenny vs. Spenny” . He is also the creator and producer of the upcoming TV show “Testes” to air on the FX network beginning October 9th.

10 Questions for Kenny Hotz:

1. Hello Mr. Kenny, our big first question is all about you. What have you been up to lately?

5″11. Ha-ha. Actually I’m fucken exhausted I just finished Kenny vs. Spenny 5 and started a new series with Derek Harvie for FX. Working our asses off but love it!!!!

2. Actress Eva Mendes recently claimed to have had sex in all 50 U.S. states. She claimed the worst being in Alaska. Why do you think Alaska was the worst? Have you ever had sex in Alaska yourself?

No, I have not had sex there but I did stick my dick in a Nanaimo bar once. Alaska was probably the worst ‘cuz KY hardens at the freezing point. Maybe she didn’t like it because being such a mega whore the cold weather brought out her rectal herpes? Who knows?

3. If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?

Hitler. I’d love to make him my butler. I hear he made an amazing crepe Suzette.

4. Who in Hollywood do you most despise the most, and why?

That’s a tough one. I love everyone who gave me a shot, even though some of them eventually douched me, because they didn’t believe I could succeed. Still love them though. I despise the ones who tried to stop me from making it I guess. It’s Hollywould or Hollywon’t I’ve learnt to deal with it and move forward as best I can.

5. Tell us a showbiz secret you’ve been meaning to tell the world.

I recently found out that I have ovarian cancer.

6. Years back I worked in Los Angeles pitching TV show ideas to producers and network executives. One thing I noticed was the amount of Jewish dudes who had the power positions in town. I considered converting to Judaism but decided against it. Does being Jewish give you an unfair advantage in Hollywood?

Yes, it took me 2 years to register for my JCN (Jewish conspiracy number). When I got it…I sold “Kenny vs. Spenny”!

7. The 70’s disco group the Village People recently got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Have you ever worked out at a YMCA? Or at least worked out to their hit song YMCA?

Wow they got a star? I’m wondering if you can get HIV from walking on it?

8. Courtney Love recently spent 323K on her daughter’s 16th birthday. The theme of the party was “RIP childhood” that included games like “who can look the most dead”. Frances was also the daughter of Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain. Courtney Love, complete idiot or secret genius?

You left out the words “retard, dolt, skank, loser, bitch and pancake tits”!

9. The Slovakian women’s hockey team recently beat their Bulgarian counterparts 82-0 in a blow out match. Slovakian or Bulgarian women, who are hotter?

I’ve been to Bulgaria, didn’t get a chance to check out any of the ladies, I was too busy getting gang raped by Gypsies! There are some mega hot Slovakian chicks though, I think I’ll go online and buy a couple!

10. It was announced today the Best Buy electronics retail chain was to purchase Napster for 128 million dollars, a sum 95% over Napster’s current stock price. Do you have anything that you could overvalue and sell to Best Buy?

Deodorant, for their employees.

Our interviewee:

Julie Robenhymer is an entrepreneur, hockey blogger/podcaster on the popular hockey rumors site hockeybuzz.com and 2005 Miss New Jersey and a Miss America contestant in 2006.

10 Questions for Julie Robenhymer:

1. Hi Julie, we always start off 10 Questions with the most obvious one possible.  What have you been up to lately?

Not a whole heck of a lot…just enjoying the last days of nice weather and getting ready for the upcoming season. Making my travel plans. Trying to figure out which teams or players I want to see and which games I want to go to. My calendar looks ridiculous with a lot of if-this-than-that scenarios. In addition to NHL games, I’m also trying to go to more NCAA games this season to see some up and coming prospects. It’s shaping up to be a fun 8-9 months

2. You’re an active NHL Hockey blogger and fan who lives in the United States.  In Canada this is considered normal, but in the US “not so much”.  Do your close friends and peers think you’re a big freak for what you do?

Yes!! They think I’ve absolutely lost my marbles! Some don’t get it at all, but I’m finding more and more hockey fans out there and those that aren’t I’m usually able to convert once I get them to a game. When I was younger, my girlfriends used to look at me like I had five heads when I’d start talking about hockey, but now they’re used to it and even enjoy it. The guys on the other hand, usually think it’s great to be able to talk with someone who has a slightly different perspective of the sport. So, I guess it goes both ways.

3. As a former Miss America contestant did you ever deliver a hockey body check to take out one of the other girls?  That would seem like an entertaining idea to me.

LOL  no…but I’ve definitely thought about it for a few girls in particular. Most girls are absolutely fabulous and in fact I’m very good friends with a lot of girls that I’ve competed with at Miss New Jersey and Miss America, but there’s always going to be one or two that you just can’t stand, but that goes for any group of people whether that be in competition, work, family, etc.

4. Tony Soprano:  Dead or still alive?

No Clue… I never really watched the Sopranos and besides that I live in South Jersey..not North.

5. It was reported today that magician Chriss Angel has begun dating one of Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends.  Ever scratch your head and ask yourself what the hell are these girls thinking?

Not really, only because I don’t often think about them.

6. Last week Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper shut down parliament and announced a federal election will take place October 14th.  As an American can you even comprehend the thought of a 5 week long election campaign to elect a new leader?

No, but I’m sure I would love it! It’s been almost two years since politicians have started campaigning for this presidential election and I am so tired of seeing political commercials on the TV and hearing them on the radio. I just wish it were time to vote…instead we’ve got another 10 weeks!

7. Swimmer Michael Phelps is scheduled to host Saturday Night Live this weekend.  Should professional athletes stick to what they know best and leave the TV business to the pros?  We ask because we don’t expect to see Tina Fey compete in the 100 Meter freestyle anytime soon.

Yes…and no. Some athletes are completely devoid of personality and others absolutely ham it up for the camera. Phelps is a pretty funny guy and I’m sure they’ll tailor his skits to show the best of his comedic skills.

8. Another political question for you today.  Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin in a cage match fight, who comes out the winner?

Palin…hands down. You do not want to mess with her.

9.  Oprah donated over 50 million dollars to various charities last year.  I on the other hand donated a grand total of $27 as per my tax claim.  Does this make me a bad man, or just a really cheap one?

Neither…some people can afford to donate a lot and others can’t, the important part is that you donated something

10. My girlfriend Janet and I recently got engaged and plan to get married next year.  I suggested we go to Vegas and get hitched at a chapel with an Elvis impersonator carrying out the ceremony.  She on the other hand does not like the idea.  How can I convince her it’s the wedding that every girl dreams of?

Well, in addition to the hockey blogging, I also own a dress shop that happens to sell wedding gowns and I can tell you without a doubt that eloping in front of Elvis is NOT the wedding that every girl dreams of. BUT…smaller ceremonies are becoming more popular instead of all out 250+ guest affairs. You should put your marital skills to the test and strike up a compromise.

Our interviewee:

Hollywood Producer and Writer Kristofor Brown. Kris has a long list of Film and Television projects he has worked on the past 20 years. Check them out on his IMDB profile.

10 Questions for Kris Brown

1. Kris, what creative things have you been up to lately?

I’ve been working on a nice big pack of original movie pitches with the hopes of selling at least one. I’m also developing a kids cartoon at Nickelodeon with a former Beavis and Butt-Head animator. And I just used Photoshop to retouch a photo of a friend to make it look like he had a black eye and was bleeding from the mouth while I stood over him with a bowling ball.

Kris Brown - Halford - some idiot

2. To continue living you must have sex with one of the following men; Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson or Judas Priest’s Rob Halford. You cannot say no to this answer or you will indeed be dead. Which one will it be?

Wow, now you’re playing dirty. Okay…well, I’m straight and I can honestly say that although I’m a big fan of both singers, I don’t find either one attractive in that way. Halford looks kinda scary now. Looks like he’d be rough. We know Halford is gay, but as far as we know, Dickinson is not. I wouldn’t enjoy being put in this situation… so I guess I’d have to say Bruce Dickinson, because he’s less likely to enjoy it as well.

3. Beavis vs. Butthead in an election, which of the two would win and become President of the United States?

Butt-Head is more of a leader, but Beavis has that ‘X factor.’ Plus, Beavis is inherently unstable. I think they’d make a great Pres and VP ticket. But if Beavis was the VP he’d probably try to kill Butt-Head in order to be President.

4. Is Republican vice president candidate Sarah Palin hot? (In a Van Halen “Hot for Teacher” video kind of way)

In her big speech at the Republican Convention, she was approaching looking hot in a ‘Red Shoe Diaries’ kinda way. Also, it’s safe to say she’s the “hottest” caribou hunter and United States VP candidate I’ve ever seen. I saw some of the high school photos that have been published, and I think she actually looks better now. But I’ve also seen recent close-up photos of her, and she’s not quite as good-looking as she appeared at the convention. She’s about five beers from looking hot in a ‘Hot for Teacher’ kind of way.

5. Originally from Wisconsin and having grown up a big Packers fan you must have an opinion on the following. Favre or Rodgers?

I will always be a big Brett Favre fan, and I’m still angry at the way Packers management treated him this past offseason. When he got traded, part of my loyalties went with him to New York. In fact, I already have my authentic Favre/Jets jersey. I’m also planning to attend two Jets games this year – the MNF game in San Diego, and the final regular season game at the Meadowlands. Aaron Rodgers looked very good in the season opener. But I don’t have any emotional connection to him yet. I had 16 great years cheering for Favre. I’ll always be a Packers fan, but it might take awhile for me to get my usual fanaticism back.

6. Seth Rogen whom you’ve worked with quite a bit looks like a gassy guy to us. Are gassy men funnier than men who aren’t filled with flatulence?

Yes, absolutely. Gassy men make funny sounds out of their butts. It’s disarming and breaks any tension in a social setting. Plus, gassy men have something building up inside of them that have to get out…kinda like a great joke. You just can’t keep it to yourself. But I guess we should differentiate between gassy men who make funny-sounding farts and gassy men who drop rancidly smelling farts. I find inappropriately audible farts hilarious. I find horrifically smelling farts very unfunny.

7. As a fan of 1980’s Heavy Metal music, have you ever worshipped the devil or at least tried?

Nope. Never worshipped the Devil. I attended a Lutheran grade school where devil worship simply was not allowed. Probably because of that, I was initially a little scared and had mixed feelings about buying Iron Maiden’s album ‘Number of the Beast.’ I did try a Ouija board once, but nothing happened. I guess the Devil was busy. I’m not a big fan of messing with the dark arts.

8. UFC’s Chuck Liddell got the snot kicked out of him last Saturday against Rashad Evans. What would your strategy be as a fighter in the octagon?

To stay out of Rashad Evan’s reach. I’m a big Chuck Liddell fan and that was sad watching him get KO’d like that. I’m a skinny guy and I have really boney knuckles, so I guess I’d be more of a striker. I’d keep moving as much as possible and if I got caught in a hold, I’d fart in their face.

9. A Cuban punk rocker whose songs have ridiculed the Cuban government was recently fined $30 for public disorder. Have you ever heard the term “Cuban punk rocker” before?

No, I haven’t. Does he have a cd out? I’d love to hear it. I love Cuban food and cigars, so I need something else to complete the trifecta.

10. When your sons grow up and start using computers will you put in place a system to block out internet pornography hence blocking yourself out along the way?

I guess I will try to block them. At least certainly from the hardcore stuff. When I was a kid, one of life’s great treats was when we found a bunch of my dad’s old Playboy magazines. I guess I could leave some old links to Playboy.com in my bookmarks for them to find.

Hot for teacher ~ Van Halen

I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher.
I got it bad, so bad,
I’m hot for teacher.

Our interviewee:

Electronic Musician Travino, resident of Ottawa Canada

10 Questions for Travino.

1.      Travino, tell us about your latest creative endeavours?

This month I’ve been digging out and listening to all my old Photek CDs. But instead of writing awesome and intricate Drum & Bass stompers, I’ve been writing totally unfashionable Hip Hop tracks…

2.      David Duchovny has admitted himself into a rehab centre for sex addiction.  Cheap publicity stunt or is he simply a really horny guy?

C’mon, is having a sex addiction really a problem? It sounds like the equivalent of someone complaining that they have too much money. Is it really interfering with his daily life? I mean, even I’ve managed to have sex several times with my girl while driving down the highways, so I’m sure Mr. Duchovny can make it to the set on time every morning.

3.      Singer Michael Jackson just turned 50 this week.  Will old age make him weirder? Or bring him back to earth?

I predict in the coming year he will attempt to write, produce, direct and star in an updated version of the Star Wars Christmas Special. I’ve always felt MJ had an unhealthy obsession with Bea Arthur.

4.      In the history of children’s programming, has anybody gotten screwed over more than Grover?

Yeah, actually the chimp from the 1970s CBS Saturday morning live action TV show ARK II was always saving people’s asses, but he never as much as a thank you on the show from the other characters. Have another banana ‘lil buddy!

5.      American Idol recently added songwriter Kara DioGuardi as a fourth judge, who would you have picked and why? (note: American Idol is evil)

Anyone who can’t see that the addition of a fourth judge to the panel signals the end of mankind probably deserves whatever War, Famine, Pestilence or Death the Fox network has planned for us. I’m heading out to my secret underground lair in the Lanark Highlands just in case.

6.      In 1998 Ice Cube and Fred Durst participated in the anti-establishment “Family Values” tour.  They are now collaborating on “The Longshots” a cheezy family film.  Have they become complete sell-outs or mature adults?

That’s the wrong question to be asking, because those cats were never that dope to begin with. Remember how anti-establishment the Beatles were with their, uh… slightly long hair. Wow! Same thing. I guarantee you will see Marilyn Manson selling wireless internet services on TV within the next five years.

7.      Apple will be announcing a new iPod design in two weeks from now.  Is this good or bad?  Or do you not care?

I don’t

8.      WWE or UFC?

How about WWE versus UFC? Now that would be something even I would pay per view.

9.      Would it be cool for someone to name their first son Fonzie?

Only if the last name was Poncherello.

10.     The NHL season will be starting shortly.  Who will win the Stanley Cup? (You can’t answer Detroit)

All I hope for is another repeat performance by the sucking Maple Leafs. Can they miss the playoffs for a fourth year in a row? I believe they can…

A new feature “10 Questions” is being introduced here today on Zoice.com. It consists of 10 Pop Culture related questions asked to interviewees who themselves are contributors to Pop Culture.

Our interviewee:

CBC Radio national producer and on-air personality Theresa Lalonde, resident of Vancouver BC

10 Questions for Theresa Lalonde.

1. Theresa, what is your latest contribution to pop culture?

Finding former famous yet still interesting Canadians to be panellists on the new CBC show to go across Canada in the afternoons at the end of September.

2. How great is your current fear of meat?

I always have a moderate fear of meat. My current fear is I have nothing to put in my kid’s sandwich for school next week.

3. Magician David Blaine is going to attempt to go 11.5 days without sleep, breaking the world record. What is the longest you’ve gone without sleep and was it an enjoyable experience?

36 hours. Flying from Inuvik NWT to Florida with delays delays delays. I was still drinking a lot then, so it passed by easily. My dude and I played cards.

4. Is Oprah real? Or a witch dressed in everyday clothes?

She’s a robot with a hyper strong emotional chip. I’d like to toss a bunch of her Oprah’s picks at her and see if they bounce off.

5. A rich United Emirates Sheik if offering you cash to borrow one of your two children for a year. Nothing illegal or immoral is to take place. How much $ would it take for the transaction to finalized?

I’m just not drawn that way. Couldn’t do it.

6. Proving that violence is an inherited trait, O.J. Simpson was attacked by his own daughter recently. Do you secretly wish she would have done so with a knife?

No, a white glove shoved so far up his nose he gets brain damage.

7. Drum machines and computers; have they been a positive or negative influence on music?

Mucho positive. Even when your dude and his pal are noodling on a drum machine in the next room for hours and hours and hours.

8. On people who wear black clothes to art show openings, do you secretly wish they were all in yellow instead?

I wish they were naked.

9. Would a competition based on steroid usage be of any interest to you? Some of the criteria would be greatest head size increase, biggest reduction in testicle size?

No interest. Roid rage sucks.

10. If you were an American citizen and your choices for president were the following: Robert Downey Jr. or Christian Bale (let’s pretend he’s American) who would you vote for and why?

Christian Bale because he wouldn’t want the power. He’d be a reluctant hero. Oh wait, that’s Batman.