“Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.”

“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators woube dead.”

“Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.”

“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”

Jim McMahon, Former NFL / Chicago Bears quarterback, on Europe:

The people don’t take baths and they don’t speak English. No golf courses, no room service. Who needs it?

Things haven’t been the same since Jimmy boy retired from the NFL.

‘I just popped my cherry kissing a guy. I thought of you. I don’t know why’

The text message Sean Penn sent to his old gal pal Madonna after he popped his cherry kissing actor James Franco in a scene for the upcoming film “Milk”.

I wonder who he preferred kissing?

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”

“Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are.”

We suspect Mat may have smoked a bowl before making that famous quote.  You go Matt!

“You’re not going to play for me if you don’t put out.”
– Willie Randolph

“He had to cut the wind with his balls, which is something we had to see.”
– Mike Nolan

“I’m tellin’ ya man, to be able to stroke it like that must be some kind of feeling.”
– Dick Vitale

“Just picture your favorite guy and put it right through the hole.”
– Drew Brees

“It’s cold, it’s hard and I wanna feel it.”
– Ron Jaworski

I can’t put it into words. Playing with a guy, living with a guy, just knowing that every day when I wake up that’s something I can count on, that I’m going to be in practice or in a game with Cuttino. Him not being here is going to be tough for me. I don’t know what I’m going to wake up for.”
– Steve Francis

“I’m hunting for little Mexican girls.”
– Karl Malone

“I want all the kids to copulate me.”
- Andre Dawson

“I’ll be playing with myself out there, and eventually I’ll find it.”
- Pedro Martinez

“I like to see those fans. I can feel the heat.”
- Yao Ming

“He’s got what I call a good cocky”
- Charlie Manuel

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.“

Uh huh, that’s how it works there Brooke.